Yeah, I sat with two - hey, coincidence - F-18, Top Gun, radical fire,
napalm dropping pilots in my movie theater watching the chopper attack
sequence on the beachhead to go surfing because they wanted to and those
people were in their way.   But there's also ... falling from it ... is the
apple from The Giving Tree. There's my life. Deal with it. Oh, wait! Can't
process it. Losers! WINNING! B'bye. The only thing I'm addicted to right
now is winning. You know? This bootleg cult - you know, arrogantly referred
to as 'Alcoholics Anonymous' - now supports a 5% success rate. My success
rate is 100%. Do the math! And that was actually, you know, one of the few
compliments that clown has paid me in frickin' almost a decade. And I was
getting a tattoo during the death from above. And it's the banner from the
death card that Kilgore is throwing on his victims. Check it, Alex, I
embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace
that his unevolved mind can't process. Okay ... last I checked, Chaim, I've
spent close to the last decade, I don't know, effortless and magically
converting your tin cans into pure gold.  It's being directed and written
by a genius name David Ward who - oh, I don't know - won the Academy Award
at 23 for writing The Sting. And it was his pen and his vision that created
the classic that we know today as Major League. They will lose the rest of
their lives as they think about me and my life for the rest of their lives.
So ... it's ... there's no ... again, bring me a challenge, somebody. Bring
me a frickin' challenge. Because, you know ... it just ain't there.
WINNING! I'm gonna hang out with these two smokin' hotties and fly
privately around the world. You know, it might be lonely up here, but I
sure like the view, Alex. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose
not to do his job, which is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes he is
above the law. Well, you've been warned, dude. Bring it.

Yeah, why not? 'Cause it's just pure ... pure and complete gnarlyisms.
Yeah, I sat with two - hey, coincidence - F-18, Top Gun, radical fire,
napalm dropping pilots in my movie theater watching the chopper attack
sequence on the beachhead to go surfing because they wanted to and those
people were in their way. And Alex, try to get your mind around this, as a
fellow warrior, deep in the trenches: Their entire manifesto is built upon
complete and total surrender ... or the concept of complete and total
surrender.       Yeah, why not? 'Cause it's just pure ... pure and complete
gnarlyisms. And therefore there's nothing in the middle. I don't live in
the middle anymore. That's where you get slaughtered. That's where you get
embarrassed in front of the prom queen. And it's just not an option. They
urge you to put down your sword and come join the winners. In 22 years the
only 'winners' I could locate in their toothless warren were either driving
a convertible van or living like trolls under an abandoned bridge.

Yes! I don't read anything after it's come out, because I will not waste my
precious time on such ridiculous nonsense. But I understand, according to
you, that there was a lot of curiosity about the Vatican assassins. And I'm
like ... guys, it's right there in the thing. Duh! We work for the Pope. We
murder people. We're Vatican assassins. I am every character in between,
save for that little weirdo with his guts strapped in, begging for water.
That's not me. But I dare anyone to debate me on things. In fact, a lot of
people think the movie's called 'Wild Thing', as they should.  And Alex,
try to get your mind around this, as a fellow warrior, deep in the
trenches: Their entire manifesto is built upon complete and total surrender
... or the concept of complete and total surrender. Yeah, why not? 'Cause
it's just pure ... pure and complete gnarlyisms. Um ... but I'm excited to
get back ... to work. Um ... and not to completely discount what you just
talked about ... It's just that if I bring up these ... these turds ...
these little losers ... there's no reason to then bring them back into the
fold, because I have real fame, and they have nothing. Check it, Alex, I
embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace
that his unevolved mind can't process. Okay ... last I checked, Chaim, I've
spent close to the last decade, I don't know, effortless and magically
converting your tin cans into pure gold. So ... you know ... within that is
tremendous focus, and tremendous clarity, and tremendous peace. And they're
gonna fuel the battle-cry of my deadly and dangerous secret and silent
soldiers. 'Cause they're all around you .... Anyway. Thought you were just
messing with one dude. Sorry! WINNING! And people say, 'Oh, you know... you
have to work through your resentments.' Yeah. No. I'm gonna hold on to them
and they're gonna fuel my attack.

But it's just not ... I'm not fair game. I'm not a soft target. It's over. 
 You know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my
underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these
clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and ....
(sighs) Check it, Alex, I embarrassed him in front of his children and the
world by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind can't process. Okay ...
last I checked, Chaim, I've spent close to the last decade, I don't know,
effortless and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. You know?
Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear
before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these clowns. I
don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and .... (sighs) I
am every character in between, save for that little weirdo with his guts
strapped in, begging for water. That's not me.  THE BIBLE GRIPPERS! There's
a new sheriff in town, and he has an army of assassins. Oh, we must speak
of the Vatican assassins. I'm gonna hang out with these two smokin' hotties
and fly privately around the world. You know, it might be lonely up here,
but I sure like the view, Alex.  And the gratitude I get is this charlatan
chose not to do his job, which is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes
he is above the law. Well, you've been warned, dude. Bring it.

Yeah, but I can't use the word 'sober' because that's a term from 'those
people', and I have cleansed myself. And I'm ... you know ... most of the
time. And this includes naps! You know, I'm an F-18, bro. And I will
destroy you in the air. And I will deploy my ordinance to the ground. And,
uh ....  Well, yeah. But I was gonna tell you, I'm tired of being told
like, 'Oh, you can't talk about that. You can't talk about that.' Bull
s.h.i.t. ... uh .... .... And then, I just got to add this: There was a
whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke being, you know, a part of our crew.
And let me just say this ... this is all I'm gonna say about it: Where
there were four ... there are now three. Goodbye, Brooke, and good luck in
your travels ... you're gonna need it ... badly... So .... And I'm ... you
know ... most of the time. And this includes naps! You know, I'm an F-18,
bro. And I will destroy you in the air. And I will deploy my ordinance to
the ground. And, uh .... I'm gonna hang out with these two smokin' hotties
and fly privately around the world. You know, it might be lonely up here,
but I sure like the view, Alex. Yeah, but I can't use the word 'sober'
because that's a term from 'those people', and I have cleansed myself. No,
you won't get high .... It's all good. It's all good, guys. Quit panicking.
Quit panicking. No panic, no judgment. And you know, I'm tired ... I'm so
tired of pretending like my life isn't perfect and bitchin' and just
winning every second .... And I'm not perfect and bitchin', and just
delivering the goods at every frickin' turn. And I'm like ... guys, it's
right there in the thing. Duh! We work for the Pope. We murder people.
We're Vatican assassins. And one of those stupid mottoes, Alex, is 'Don't
be special. Be one of us.' News flash! I am special, and I'll never be one
of you! ... There it is. How complicated can it be? What they're not ready
for, is guys like you and I, Nails, and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons
in my life ... that we are high priests ... Vatican assassin warlocks.
Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

Debate me on AA right now. I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my
brain; with my mind.  So if you think about it, dude, it's like I'm 0-for-3
with marriage, with ne'er an excuse. And the gratitude I get is this
charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who
believes he is above the law. Well, you've been warned, dude. Bring it. And
therefore there's nothing in the middle. I don't live in the middle
anymore. That's where you get slaughtered. That's where you get embarrassed
in front of the prom queen. And it's just not an option. And I'm like ...
guys, it's right there in the thing. Duh! We work for the Pope. We murder
people. We're Vatican assassins. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan
chose not to do his job, which is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes
he is above the law. Well, you've been warned, dude. Bring it. Major League
3? I don't know. I haven't read it. I don't care. And Alex, try to get your
mind around this, as a fellow warrior, deep in the trenches: Their entire
manifesto is built upon complete and total surrender ... or the concept of
complete and total surrender. And they're gonna fuel the battle-cry of my
deadly and dangerous secret and silent soldiers. 'Cause they're all around
you .... Anyway. Thought you were just messing with one dude. Sorry!
WINNING! And therefore there's nothing in the middle. I don't live in the
middle anymore. That's where you get slaughtered. That's where you get
embarrassed in front of the prom queen. And it's just not an option. You
know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my
underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these
clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and ....
(sighs) I am every character in between, save for that little weirdo with
his guts strapped in, begging for water. That's not me.

I just closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself from this
ridiculous model of disease, addiction, and obsession. It's just ... It's
just the work of sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is
winning. You know? This bootleg cult - you know, arrogantly referred to as
'Alcoholics Anonymous' - now supports a 5% success rate. My success rate is
100%. Do the math! Well, yeah. But I was gonna tell you, I'm tired of being
told like, 'Oh, you can't talk about that. You can't talk about that.' Bull
s.h.i.t. ... uh .... And they're gonna fuel the battle-cry of my deadly and
dangerous secret and silent soldiers. 'Cause they're all around you ....
Anyway. Thought you were just messing with one dude. Sorry! WINNING!    
Well, I think it was Nails that said I was really, really flattered, 'cause
he got it right. And I'm not ... 100%. You know, here's your first pee
test. Next one goes in your mouth. No. She's not there now.  Yeah, but I
can't use the word 'sober' because that's a term from 'those people', and I
have cleansed myself.

And we are and, I don't know, winning?... Anyone? .... (long silence) ....
Rhymes with winning? .... Anyone? .... Yeah, that would be us. No, you
won't get high .... It's all good. It's all good, guys. Quit panicking.
Quit panicking. No panic, no judgment. .... And then, I just got to add
this: There was a whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke being, you know, a
part of our crew. And let me just say this ... this is all I'm gonna say
about it: Where there were four ... there are now three. Goodbye, Brooke,
and good luck in your travels ... you're gonna need it ... badly... So ....
 Yeah. I did. Because he's nothing shy of that. And it is his job to go out
there and embarrass people. Embarrass them. Not just beat them, but
embarrass them in the process.  I'm done. I'm done. It's on. Bring it, as I
say. I ain't hidin'. But there are parts of me that is hopper, because my
motto now is 'You either love, or you hate ... and you must do so
violently.' And the reason you must hate violently is because ... and you
have to hate everyone that is not in your family, because they're there to
destroy your family, and they will come at you in all forms and shapes. No.
She's not there now. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to
do his job, which is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes he is above
the law. Well, you've been warned, dude. Bring it. No, you won't get high
.... It's all good. It's all good, guys. Quit panicking. Quit panicking. No
panic, no judgment. It's being directed and written by a genius name David
Ward who - oh, I don't know - won the Academy Award at 23 for writing The
Sting. And it was his pen and his vision that created the classic that we
know today as Major League. And one of those stupid mottoes, Alex, is
'Don't be special. Be one of us.' News flash! I am special, and I'll never
be one of you! ... There it is.

They urge you to put down your sword and come join the winners. In 22 years
the only 'winners' I could locate in their toothless warren were either
driving a convertible van or living like trolls under an abandoned bridge. 
And that was actually, you know, one of the few compliments that clown has
paid me in frickin' almost a decade.  He's as radical as you'd think he'd
might be. If ... I'm not just my dad, I'm ... you know ... petting up the
river to kill another part of me, which is 'courage'.  Yes! I don't read
anything after it's come out, because I will not waste my precious time on
such ridiculous nonsense. But I understand, according to you, that there
was a lot of curiosity about the Vatican assassins.  Because I'm just ...
um .... I don't know. Why give an interview when you can leave a warning,
you know? It's being directed and written by a genius name David Ward who -
oh, I don't know - won the Academy Award at 23 for writing The Sting. And
it was his pen and his vision that created the classic that we know today
as Major League. Take for instance its founder and death written ... I
don't know ... broken down plagiarist ... stayed high on acid until the day
he died. I can't seem to find that chapter in his silly book of lies. Yeah,
I sat with two - hey, coincidence - F-18, Top Gun, radical fire, napalm
dropping pilots in my movie theater watching the chopper attack sequence on
the beachhead to go surfing because they wanted to and those people were in
their way. You know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs
in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for
these clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and
.... (sighs)

Yeah, I sat with two - hey, coincidence - F-18, Top Gun, radical fire,
napalm dropping pilots in my movie theater watching the chopper attack
sequence on the beachhead to go surfing because they wanted to and those
people were in their way. Well, yeah. But I was gonna tell you, I'm tired
of being told like, 'Oh, you can't talk about that. You can't talk about
that.' Bull s.h.i.t. ... uh .... Take for instance its founder and death
written ... I don't know ... broken down plagiarist ... stayed high on acid
until the day he died. I can't seem to find that chapter in his silly book
of lies.  Major League 3? I don't know. I haven't read it. I don't care.
And Alex, try to get your mind around this, as a fellow warrior, deep in
the trenches: Their entire manifesto is built upon complete and total
surrender ... or the concept of complete and total surrender. So if you
think about it, dude, it's like I'm 0-for-3 with marriage, with ne'er an
excuse. You know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in
my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for
these clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and
.... (sighs) And you know, I'm tired ... I'm so tired of pretending like my
life isn't perfect and bitchin' and just winning every second .... And I'm
not perfect and bitchin', and just delivering the goods at every frickin'
turn.   Well, I'm not Thomas Jefferson .... He was a pussy!

And that was actually, you know, one of the few compliments that clown has
paid me in frickin' almost a decade. But I dare anyone to debate me on
things. And I'm ... you know ... most of the time. And this includes naps!
You know, I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. And I will
deploy my ordinance to the ground. And, uh ....  But there's also ...
falling from it ... is the apple from The Giving Tree. There's my life.
Deal with it. Oh, wait! Can't process it. Losers! WINNING! B'bye. And the
gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to
WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes he is above the law. Well, you've been
warned, dude. Bring it. No. She's not there now. Yeah, I didn't care about
that vanity card. In fact, I went straight on with that one and just
dispelled that one.   And one of those stupid mottoes, Alex, is 'Don't be
special. Be one of us.' News flash! I am special, and I'll never be one of
you! ... There it is. And they're gonna fuel the battle-cry of my deadly
and dangerous secret and silent soldiers. 'Cause they're all around you
.... Anyway. Thought you were just messing with one dude. Sorry! WINNING!

But there's also ... falling from it ... is the apple from The Giving Tree.
There's my life. Deal with it. Oh, wait! Can't process it. Losers! WINNING!
B'bye. THE BIBLE GRIPPERS! They have zero. They have that night, and I will
forget about them as the last image of them exits my beautiful home. And
they will get out there and they will sell me, and they will lose. Debate
me on AA right now. I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain;
with my mind. They have zero. They have that night, and I will forget about
them as the last image of them exits my beautiful home. And they will get
out there and they will sell me, and they will lose. 100%. You know, here's
your first pee test. Next one goes in your mouth. But like in baseball, the
scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the
heart ... of the hearts. He's as radical as you'd think he'd might be. If
... I'm not just my dad, I'm ... you know ... petting up the river to kill
another part of me, which is 'courage'. And Alex, try to get your mind
around this, as a fellow warrior, deep in the trenches: Their entire
manifesto is built upon complete and total surrender ... or the concept of
complete and total surrender. No, you won't get high .... It's all good.
It's all good, guys. Quit panicking. Quit panicking. No panic, no judgment.
 And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which
is to WRITE. Clearly, someone who believes he is above the law. Well,
you've been warned, dude. Bring it. But like in baseball, the scoreboard
doesn't lie. Never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart ...
of the hearts.

And you know, to sully and to contaminate or radically disrespect this
union with a shameful contract is something I'll leave to the amateurs and
the bible grippers. There's a new sheriff in town, and he has an army of
assassins. Oh, we must speak of the Vatican assassins.   You know, he might
be Nails, but I'm frickin' bayonets, you know? I am battle-tested bayonets,
bro.  'You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to
judge me.' Boom. That's the whole movie. That's life .... That's life.
There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and
it's pure and it's available to everybody.  You know, he might be Nails,
but I'm frickin' bayonets, you know? I am battle-tested bayonets, bro. ....
And then, I just got to add this: There was a whole firestorm yesterday
about Brooke being, you know, a part of our crew. And let me just say this
... this is all I'm gonna say about it: Where there were four ... there are
now three. Goodbye, Brooke, and good luck in your travels ... you're gonna
need it ... badly... So .... Yeah, I didn't care about that vanity card. In
fact, I went straight on with that one and just dispelled that one. But
it's just not ... I'm not fair game. I'm not a soft target. It's over. 'You
have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me.'
Boom. That's the whole movie. That's life .... That's life. There's
nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure
and it's available to everybody.

But ... whatever. I agreed to do it. There's just one deal point that Jim
Robinson - a wonderful man at Morgan Creek, a great company - need to work
out is they want me in it. If they do, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a
turd that opens on a tugboat. They will lose the rest of their lives as
they think about me and my life for the rest of their lives. So ... it's
... there's no ... again, bring me a challenge, somebody. Bring me a
frickin' challenge. Because, you know ... it just ain't there. WINNING! You
know, he might be Nails, but I'm frickin' bayonets, you know? I am
battle-tested bayonets, bro. No. She's not there now.  Yeah. I did. Because
he's nothing shy of that. And it is his job to go out there and embarrass
people. Embarrass them. Not just beat them, but embarrass them in the
process. You know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs
in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for
these clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and
.... (sighs) .... And then, I just got to add this: There was a whole
firestorm yesterday about Brooke being, you know, a part of our crew. And
let me just say this ... this is all I'm gonna say about it: Where there
were four ... there are now three. Goodbye, Brooke, and good luck in your
travels ... you're gonna need it ... badly... So .... Yeah, I didn't care
about that vanity card. In fact, I went straight on with that one and just
dispelled that one. But ... whatever. I agreed to do it. There's just one
deal point that Jim Robinson - a wonderful man at Morgan Creek, a great
company - need to work out is they want me in it. If they do, it's a smash.
If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat. .... And then, I just
got to add this: There was a whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke being,
you know, a part of our crew. And let me just say this ... this is all I'm
gonna say about it: Where there were four ... there are now three. Goodbye,
Brooke, and good luck in your travels ... you're gonna need it ... badly...
So .... They will lose the rest of their lives as they think about me and
my life for the rest of their lives. So ... it's ... there's no ... again,
bring me a challenge, somebody. Bring me a frickin' challenge. Because, you
know ... it just ain't there. WINNING!

I'm gonna hang out with these two smokin' hotties and fly privately around
the world. You know, it might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view,
Alex. Let me just say this: It's nothing this side of deplorable, that a
certain Chaim Levine - yeah, that's Chuck's real name - mistook this rock
star for his own selfish exit strategy, bro.  So if you think about it,
dude, it's like I'm 0-for-3 with marriage, with ne'er an excuse. And I'm
... you know ... most of the time. And this includes naps! You know, I'm an
F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. And I will deploy my
ordinance to the ground. And, uh ....  How complicated can it be? What
they're not ready for, is guys like you and I, Nails, and all the other
gnarly gnarlingtons in my life ... that we are high priests ... Vatican
assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes. Yeah, I
didn't care about that vanity card. In fact, I went straight on with that
one and just dispelled that one.  I just closed my eyes and in a nanosecond
I cured myself from this ridiculous model of disease, addiction, and
obsession. It's just ... It's just the work of sissies. No, you won't get
high .... It's all good. It's all good, guys. Quit panicking. Quit
panicking. No panic, no judgment. And you know, to sully and to contaminate
or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something
I'll leave to the amateurs and the bible grippers. There's a new sheriff in
town, and he has an army of assassins. Oh, we must speak of the Vatican
assassins.

Because ... look at what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and
trolls. And you know, I'm tired ... I'm so tired of pretending like my life
isn't perfect and bitchin' and just winning every second .... And I'm not
perfect and bitchin', and just delivering the goods at every frickin' turn.
They urge you to put down your sword and come join the winners. In 22 years
the only 'winners' I could locate in their toothless warren were either
driving a convertible van or living like trolls under an abandoned bridge.
And they're gonna fuel the battle-cry of my deadly and dangerous secret and
silent soldiers. 'Cause they're all around you .... Anyway. Thought you
were just messing with one dude. Sorry! WINNING! Yeah, why not? 'Cause it's
just pure ... pure and complete gnarlyisms. THE BIBLE GRIPPERS!  Yes! I
don't read anything after it's come out, because I will not waste my
precious time on such ridiculous nonsense. But I understand, according to
you, that there was a lot of curiosity about the Vatican assassins. You
know, they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children
and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I
CAN'T PROCESS IT!' Well, no, and you never will. Stop trying. Just sit back
and enjoy the show .... You know? Well, I'm not Thomas Jefferson .... He
was a pussy!  Yeah, I sat with two - hey, coincidence - F-18, Top Gun,
radical fire, napalm dropping pilots in my movie theater watching the
chopper attack sequence on the beachhead to go surfing because they wanted
to and those people were in their way.

You know? Dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my
underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these
clowns. I don't have time for their judgment and their stupidity and ....
(sighs) And if you're a part of my family, I will love you violently. If
you infiltrate and try to hurt my family, I will murder you violently. 
Because I'm just ... um .... I don't know. Why give an interview when you
can leave a warning, you know? Well, I'm not Thomas Jefferson .... He was a
pussy! Yeah, but I can't use the word 'sober' because that's a term from
'those people', and I have cleansed myself. But I dare anyone to debate me
on things. He's as radical as you'd think he'd might be. If ... I'm not
just my dad, I'm ... you know ... petting up the river to kill another part
of me, which is 'courage'. Take for instance its founder and death written
... I don't know ... broken down plagiarist ... stayed high on acid until
the day he died. I can't seem to find that chapter in his silly book of
lies. No, you won't get high .... It's all good. It's all good, guys. Quit
panicking. Quit panicking. No panic, no judgment. It's being directed and
written by a genius name David Ward who - oh, I don't know - won the
Academy Award at 23 for writing The Sting. And it was his pen and his
vision that created the classic that we know today as Major League. Well, I
think it was Nails that said I was really, really flattered, 'cause he got
it right. And I'm not ... Um ... but I'm excited to get back ... to work.
Um ... and not to completely discount what you just talked about ... It's
just that if I bring up these ... these turds ... these little losers ...
there's no reason to then bring them back into the fold, because I have
real fame, and they have nothing.
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